Father Jean Pierre Pilon- Abuse 1

I am writing this blog in the hopes that it may help others who have found themselves, unfortunately in a similar predicament within the walls of the Catholic Church.  And that predicament is the subject of Accountability.   Something that has been and continues to be a highly contentious topic by many who have suffered abuse of any kind by it's representatives.  And abuse doesn't always have to be of the worst kind, as has been seen perpetrated against the most innocent among the church- the children who have been entrusted to their care.  It can also include spiritual abuse.  And this is what this blog is about.   Spiritual Abuse can be just as damaging and long lasting as any physical scars.  In fact, the emotional toll can be even greater.   About 10 years ago, I had what I thought was the privilege to meet a young priest, by the name of Father Jean Pierre Pilon, a priest, now residing in the Diocese of Campbellford, Canada ( but who is under the bishop of Scranton, PA) who seemed to be different than the rest that I had encountered the majority of my life growing in the catholic system.  He seemed genuine, caring, and interested in wanting to help "heal" the damage done by my upbringing and to prove that he indeed, was not like the others.  But as the years went by, he would prove to be anything but "different."  About half way through our friendship, as I continued to wrestle with the faith and my unhappiness in it, he decided, nonchalantly to give me his "blessing" to leave the Catholic Church.  But why?  Was this really about "helping" me out of MY personal predicament or was it more to assuage the guilt he felt for his own feelings of inadequacy that he could not make things better?   Turns out, this would be only the first, of many experiences that would set me on a path of questioning his moral, ethical and spiritual compass.

Fr. Pilon had become a close friend of our entire family, however, in some odd way, there had become almost this unspoken "code" to keep our friendship separate and I would later learn how much of a mistake this was, as it lead to the accountability problem that is now at the forefront of our issue.   Had I known then, what I know now, I would have never kept our conversations "private."   I guess, I had felt that I was protecting him if I just kept his strange behaviors under wraps.  After all, what would my family think if I had mentioned these things to them?   For one thing: my mother, a devout catholic all her life, was deep in the midst of leading a support group for the families of prodigal children who have left the Catholic Church.  How in the world was I supposed to tell her, of all people, that her "dear priest friend," had in fact, given me his blessing to leave the very Church, she desperately desired and prayed for me to come back to!?   This priest, obviously, throughout our dialogues did not care one iota that he was constantly putting me in the middle and creating more chaos than he even realized.  Many days and nights were spent arguing with  my parents about why I had left the Catholic Church, yet not once had I proclaimed that the "good priest" had allowed me the "permission" to exit, so as to preserve his "reputation."   God forbid, my parents were made aware that he, of all people, a Catholic priest, had declared me "free" to leave the " One True Church!"
But since then....  this has changed because I am tired of holding on to the "secrets."   It was time for him to be held accountable.

And this would just be the beginning........

  Another incident occurred in March of 2009, in which a book showed up at my house from him entitled : " Fuck it: The Ultimate Spiritual Way" by John Parkin.   To this day, I have no idea why he sent this to me, nor did I share this with my family at first either.  I mean how could I ?   Here, I was yet AGAIN.  I have two devout catholic parents and then this priest who has become a "mutual friend" of the family.   Nothing like being caught in the middle of the strangest triangle ever!  What was I to do, other than to keep it hush?!    I confronted him numerous times via email, however, no explanation has ever been given about his actions, so therefore I told him I was tired of holding these odd behaviors and actions of his, "secret" with no accountability to anyone.  It's not fair to me and certainly not to anyone he knows or the Church he supposedly serves either!   How can he continue to live his life as a priest if he chooses NOT to hold himself accountable?   I have even ASKED him to, to which there is never a response that he will or that he will choose to do the right thing.   Tired of holding onto these secrets for many years and them eating me alive, I finally knew I had to at least do the right thing- and this included MAKING him accountable, so if HE wasn't going to do it, then I would.  I confessed to my mother that he had sent a book (although I still could not bring myself to say the title of it.. I mean...can you imagine telling your mother, " Hey mom, this priest sent me a " Fuck it" book!?)    I figured, I've come this far in having to do the majority of his dirty work- the LEAST he could do, is be honest about the rest of what he began and share the name of the book!  So, at this moment, this has yet to be seen.  We shall see if this comes to pass or if he continues "hiding" his true self from his supposed "friends", fellow priests, bishop and the Church that he serves.

Not only do I not understand why Fr. Pilon would send the " Fuck it" Book, but the publisher also supports New Age material.  And as, any christian would know, New Age is often associated with the occult.  And this priest is known for his role in preaching and teaching against the very dangers of this as well!   Another issue of why I question his spiritual compass.  Why would such a priest align himself with both New Age and Catholicism?!  It simply cannot be.  This priest would seem, by his own actions, a hypocrite and a danger to others if this is the case.    If he can send a former parishioner a "Fuck it" book to supposedly "help" or assist their spiritual journey, would you not ask yourself, what else is he capable of?

There's only so long one can hide their true selves until they are "found out." And sadly, because he cannot be honest with those around him, then someone else has to be the one to help him. It definitely does not feel good to do so, but who else is going to facilitate the accountability process in this sick Church if not for the people?   That's why the Catholic Church has remained in this disgusting cycle for far too long.  It's just one cover up after another and it's time it STOPS!   I don't care what type of abuses have happened.  What IS important is that if you have suffered ANY type of abuse from a representative of the Church, you report it!   All of it!  Even, anything remotely associated with priests, bishops, etc that amounts to spiritual abuse.  They need to be held accountable for their behaviors and actions.  Speak up.  Speak out.

I had tried many times over to try and resolve this issue with him privately but to no avail.  He displays no interest in wanting to help despite my pleas and informing him how much damage and hurt it has caused me personally.   In fact, we have been through this "public outing" before in the hopes it would have encouraged him to take my concerns seriously, and although it looked like we had made some progress (things improved but only temporarily)   I believe all it did was scare him enough to force an apology, but no real change as he's at his same crazy behaviors again.  It goes to show that the only person he is truly concerned about is himself and to protect his "vocation."    Isn't this what the whole sex scandal the church chooses to protect is themselves and the "Church's reputation?"   They really don't care about the victims- it's quite the grand facade, only taking appropriate actions because they got caught or are faced to due to the legal ramifications brought against them.  Anyway....

After the first public outing, he completely freaked out.  And this was definitely a sign to me that it indicated he must have at least felt guilty of "something" or why would it be such a cause of concern if you did nothing wrong?   If your a priest, is not "job #1 to TRUST GOD?"   This was a big red flag if your not able to trust Him in any difficult circumstance.  Instead of letting God handle it or whatever was meant to come of it, the priest decided to "take control."

First, let me explain what lead me to take such a stance to begin with:

Again, I had try to resolve things privately with him in our first go round about this same issue of accountability but, as has just happened most recently now, he never seems interested in doing so, so of course, what other choices do I have to hold a person of his status accountable than to put everything on the table?   I had even offered, in the biblical sense to ask if he would be willing to include a third party, one of his choosing, like another priest or bishop to converse with us to find a resolution but to no avail. When I wasn't taken up on this offer, and further ignored, I resorted to the public route.

Years ago, during an email dialogue, I have no idea what happened, other than to assume something "triggered" him, to which all I got back was an email stating that "we should no longer communicate."    Left upset and hurt with no reasonable answer as to why or what happened, I tried to email him back for further clarification to which again, I got nothing.  More ignoring.

I emailed 3 more times, only to find out much later by his own "confession" that he did indeed delete those attempts I made at communication.  And the worst part is, in order to even proceed to get some type of closure or dialogue, I had to "trick" him into communicating with me again.  I had made up a fake email account that resembled my mother's so that he would open it and find out in all actuality that it was not her but me. Crazy that I had to go to such an extreme just to communicate with a priest who is supposedly a friend of our family, but I was SO sick and tired of his rude antics that I decided to stoop to his immature level just to get the answers to his most eccentric behaviors and spiritual abusive ways.   Yet, his odd ways would continue for a few days in.   Because of his own "spazzing out", he calls and leaves me a voicemail implying that if I wanted to talk it out, then we could do so over the phone.  Why did it take to this point just to get his attention?  Was it only now that he felt his vocation would be in jeopardy that he felt "backed into a corner" he created in the first place?   Was this his desperate attempt at "saving face."   Why try to fix what he started now?     Then, when I do call, he is very condescending, acting as though it was my fault in the first place!  Like somehow, I did not have the right to feel hurt and lash out at him because of his actions?   He had the audacity to begin the conversation with:  "You act like I'm some kind of abusive boyfriend!"    What?   Why is this even be stated that way?   I found this to be extremely odd way to present in a disagreement.
A catholic priest?

Why would a catholic priest be deleting emails and shutting me out for not doing anything wrong in the first place?   What did I do wrong that deserved this type of treatment?
Obviously, something else has to be at the core of his issues, but who knows what it is, other than himself and God.  But, in my opinion he needs help to deal with his own issues before he can even attempt to be a messenger for God.   After, he finally settled down within our phone conversation, he admitted that he had been so bothered by our disagreement being made public, that it manifested in him being so physically ill that he spent a day sick and in bed and that his parishioners were apparently so concerned about him, they asked " What is wrong?"   ( to which of course, he could not be honest there either)

And who does not want an honest and accountable priest or pastor or shepherd of a flock?
This is the only way to healthy relationships and spiritual lives, for both the cleric and parishioner.

He really needs to stop hiding, learn to be accountable to those he serves, which is many but first and foremost get help for his own personal "demons" so that he does not hurt or cause more damage than already done to this one who used to be in his care.  I have since left the Catholic Church because of him and would caution others who may come into contact with him.

Should he be held accountable?



to be continued.....




Father Jean-Pierre Pilon
Visitation of the Blessed Virgin Mary Parish
21 Centre St. - P.O. Box 599
Campbellford, ON K0L 1L0
Canada
Tel: 705-653-1093

Email: padrepilon@outlook.com



Bishop Joseph Bambera
Diocese of Scranton
300 Wyoming Avenue
Scranton, Pennsylvania 18503-1279
(570) 207-2238

www.dioceseofscranton.org